Do Not Worry About Tomorrow, For Tomorrow Will Worry About Itself

   Over the past 15 months I have tried to be patient. I have tried to be courageous. I have tried to be open minded.  There have been times that I have been none of the above.

   Last Tuesday we went back to UNC in hopes of finding out biopsy results and blood work results. In hopes of answers. I have to say that I left there feeling pretty discouraged. I didn't know much more when I left than what I already knew before I arrived. I did know that the "bacteria" that caused all of this trouble in the first place was found every where in my sweet boy's body. Our pulmonary doc told us that the Pseudomonas Bacteria was found in every single biopsy, culture and test that they had done. He told us that he would like to continue on the IV antibiotics for 10-14 more days, but because of the 'not so great' location of his PICC line we had to remove the PICC line and pray that the 14 days that he had already received was sufficient. He also told us that we had to continue to wait on the PCD (Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia) Biopsy - that it could be back in a week or it could be back in a month. So the wait continues...yet again. 

    Over the end of the week and the weekend Tucker started with another fever, cough and runny nose. On Sunday, Scotty and I decided to stay home from church and keep him home all day. In hopes of rest preventing another hospital visit. Sunday was a relaxing day - a day we all needed. We went no where. We did nothing. We decided to have an easy dinner so we could squeeze in a family movie before bed time and gearing up for another busy school week. Here's the plan: Daddy runs to the store for dinner and Mommy gives baths. We have dinner then we get to cuddle up for a movie before bed! "Couldn't be more perfecter", in Madi's words.

    While I'm giving baths and Daddy was out buying dinner the phone rings. UNC Chapel Hill flashes across the caller ID. I think to myself, "Eh, don't think I'll answer it - I'm sure it's just a computer with another appointment reminder....Wait, we don't have an appointment there next week - maybe I should see who is calling." "Hello?", with a quick, snappy I don't have time right now voice. 

    "Mrs. Tucker?", I hear a shaky voice say on the other end of the phone.

   "This is Mrs. Jordan...Tucker's mom. Can I help you?", I say.

   "Yes, Mrs. Jordan. I'm very sorry for the confusion. This is Dr. Paulson with UNC peds pulmonary. I wanted to call and check on Tucker. How is he feeling today?"

   "Well, it's funny you should ask. He actually started with a fever on Thursday - just 2 days after we took him off of the antibiotics. He has a pretty nasty cough and a runny nose. I was planning to give you a call tomorrow and see what you think we should do about it." 

    "Mrs. Jordan, we are going to need your husband and yourself to come in one day this week if at all possible. I wanted to let you know that we got Tucker's ciliary biopsy results back. He is positive for PCD and we will need to see you this week to try to get things in place."

    "PCD - he, he does have PCD? Where do we go from here? What now? What exactly is PCD?", I said while trying my hardest to fight back tears.  All of these questions that I already knew answers to came pouring out of my mouth. I have researched PCD a lot. I knew that this genetic disorder was something that these doctors had strong suspicions of. However, I had that 'denial' if you will - that thought in my head saying, "There is no way that my baby boy has a rare progressive lung disease that will possibly cause him to have a lung transplant before he is 20." Nope, no way. Not my kid. 

    I cried. I thought to myself, "Why my kid, God?" I didn't sleep much last night - I was up researching PCD and reading other people's stories. ( http://www.pcdfoundation.org/) I prayed. I cried some more. Then it just hit me. Get over yourself. This isn't about you. It's about Tucker.  And, more than that, it's about getting through it and finding a way to glorify God in the midst of it. 

    A few weeks ago our Sunday School teacher preached the whole class on "not worrying about the small things" because God will provide if we honor Him. While I'm sitting in front of my computer in the middle of the night worrying about how we are going to take care of Tucker? How will we pay for all of the medical care he needs? How will our life be 'normal'? - the Lord placed what I had just heard in Sunday School a few weeks ago on my heart. Suddenly, I felt relieved to know that if I trust in Him, if I seek His kingdom then He will be faithful to provide everything we need.

  

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:33-34