Dustin: Can't Wait To See Where The Lord Will Lead Him

I remember hearing people say "Every child is so different" all of the time. I also remember thinking they are kids how different can they possibly be? Wow. Just wow. Our first two babies were so easy and laid back. So 'go with the flow'. And then we had Dustin! 

   Dustin came out running and hasn't stopped yet! He is the biggest ball of energy that never ever seems to run out. He is constantly on the move! He thinks there is nothing better than his Daddy, he likes to be a 'big boy' with Dylan and Madi, he enjoys trying to be Tucker's boss and he loves snuggling with his Mommy. He can be quite the handful, but man can he be such a sweet sweet boy! He is the funniest little boy! He can make all of us laugh, no matter what our mood is. Just last week he "burped" (for lack of a better word) at the table and when I corrected him, without missing a beat, he said, "I didn't burp - my tummy did that!" It was SO hard not to laugh at him and to continue correcting him! Each night in December I have sat in his room at bed time and told him the story about "Jesus' Birthday". Yesterday at nap time I was walking out of his room and he said, "I not go to seep Mommy - you not tell me story bout Jesus." Melt. My. Heart. 

    Dustin was diagnosed with apraxia about a year ago. Apraxia is a motor planning disorder that affects his verbal, oral, fine motor and gross motor planning skills. He used to have a speech therapist, an occupational therapist and a developmental therapist come out to our house several times each week to work with him. When he turned 3, we lost that program and he was eligible for the county preschool program. He started "school" in November and goes all day 5 days a week. He loves it. Mommy had a little bit of a hard time adjusting to him being gone all day, but he sure has loved it. More than him loving it - his speech has grown immeasurably!

   I'm so blessed to be Dustin's Mommy and can't wait to watch him grow! I pray for Dustin each and every day and I just know that the Lord has great things in store for him! 

Mesmerized by this little snake he found!

One of my favorites of him!

Such a handsome boy!

Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court. -Psalm 127:3-5

Madi Jo: Enjoying Our Child As She Becomes A Woman of God

   The difference in raising a girl and raising a boy is so incredible to me. Sure, boys wear you out but it's a physical exhaustion. I am so exhausted at the end of the day from chasing the boys up the stairs, around the house, through the parking lot, and climbing things. You name it and they have the energy to do it. Girls are exhausting in a different way. Madi has never needed to be chased anywhere. She is content staying still. However, her "sassiness" and her "girly attitude" are mentally draining sometimes! It just amazes me to look at how different boys and girls are. It shows how great our God is. He makes us  all so different yet enough alike that we need each other. Simply amazing.

    Our Madi is already 6 and it just shocks me how fast time has gone by. It really seems like it was just yesterday that I was holding a sweet little 8 pound baby girl. Now here we are 6 years and 40 pounds later! She is such a sweet girl. She loves to help with her brothers, she loves to draw and color, she couldn't enjoy her dolls anymore and her all time favorite thing to do is "teach". Every afternoon she comes home and arranges her playroom so that she can teach her "students" (dolls and stuffed animals...and baby brothers when they will allow it) - she teaches them to read - not forgetting to stop and correct Mr. Teddy because he was talking while she was trying to teach! wink! She reminds me a lot of myself when I was a little girl! Right now Madi is in gymnastics and cheerleading and seems to really enjoy them. She is really wanting to take piano lessons!

   Madi is beginning to show us a soft spot in her heart for the Lord. Just the other day her and Dustin were having a little argument and I asked her, "What does the Bible say about respect".

   She responds, "Show proper respect to everyone 1 Peter 2:17".

   "Right - so are you showing proper respect to your little bother?" I say.

   "No, mam", in a quiet I'm ashamed of myself voice with her head tucked down.  A few minutes later she comes to me and tells me that she was sorry she didn't show respect to Dustin and that she is so glad that she has God's word hidden in her heart.  "Next time I am going to think about 1 Peter 2:17 before I do something 'not so nice' to my brother." Yay! She's getting it!!!!

   I am so proud of Madi and I can't wait to see her grow in the Lord and watch her turn into a young lady! 

Madi and Mommy at kindergarten graduation!

Our little gymnast

Madi and Tucker!

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. -Deuteronomy 4:9

Dylan: A Sweet, Sweet Soul

    As our year comes to an end I have been thinking about everything that has gone on this year. There is so much, that it nearly seems impossible to believe that it all happened in just twelve short months.  It is so hard to believe that Christmas is only 10 days away and that 2012 is only 17 days away! 

    Thinking over the year and how much things have changed I started thinking about each one of my four kids. I thought it might be fun to devote a post to each child - just about how special they are to Scotty and I. How we truly cherish our children and recognize them as true blessings from the Lord.

  I was such a proud Momma yesterday....we were just driving down the road talking and something about Christmas came up. Dylan said, "Wanna know the coolest thing about Christmas?" So, of course I answer, "Yea, what's the coolest thing about Christmas?" He says, "Everybody decorates their house for Jesus' birthday because since He lives in our hearts He is at everyone's house!" So sweet. He sure has amazed me this year. He has done so well in school, he is loving every minute of karate and basketball and the most exciting news....he is so close to salvation. Scotty and I pray for our children's salvation every single day and Dylan is right there. I am so excited for when the day comes, but for now I'm enjoying watching what the Lord is doing in his heart. This year Dylan has really shown us his true heart. He has such a soft and tender heart. He has a true passion for serving others. He loves nothing more than being a big brother. Now, don't get me wrong - there is plenty of bickering and "sibling moments" at our house, but if either of his brothers or his sister need anything he goes above and beyond to be sure that their need is met. 

    Now, while Dylan is such an amazing little boy - he isn't such a "little" little boy. This year - at his 7 year check up - he was almost 5 foot tall!!! 4' 10" to be exact! He is already wearing a size 6 shoe. Really? He's only 7! I'm gonna be looking up at him before I know it! 

    We call Dylan our true country gentleman. He loves to hold doors for people, open doors for the ladies, drink sweet tea, ride four wheelers, work on trucks, and take his sweet little time in whatever he may be doing! He enjoys fixing things for Momma, hunting with his Daddy, fishing with his Poppy and riding four wheelers at his Papa's.

    I consider myself truly blessed to be his Mommy and can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for his future! 

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. -Proverbs 22:6

Do Not Worry About Tomorrow, For Tomorrow Will Worry About Itself

   Over the past 15 months I have tried to be patient. I have tried to be courageous. I have tried to be open minded.  There have been times that I have been none of the above.

   Last Tuesday we went back to UNC in hopes of finding out biopsy results and blood work results. In hopes of answers. I have to say that I left there feeling pretty discouraged. I didn't know much more when I left than what I already knew before I arrived. I did know that the "bacteria" that caused all of this trouble in the first place was found every where in my sweet boy's body. Our pulmonary doc told us that the Pseudomonas Bacteria was found in every single biopsy, culture and test that they had done. He told us that he would like to continue on the IV antibiotics for 10-14 more days, but because of the 'not so great' location of his PICC line we had to remove the PICC line and pray that the 14 days that he had already received was sufficient. He also told us that we had to continue to wait on the PCD (Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia) Biopsy - that it could be back in a week or it could be back in a month. So the wait continues...yet again. 

    Over the end of the week and the weekend Tucker started with another fever, cough and runny nose. On Sunday, Scotty and I decided to stay home from church and keep him home all day. In hopes of rest preventing another hospital visit. Sunday was a relaxing day - a day we all needed. We went no where. We did nothing. We decided to have an easy dinner so we could squeeze in a family movie before bed time and gearing up for another busy school week. Here's the plan: Daddy runs to the store for dinner and Mommy gives baths. We have dinner then we get to cuddle up for a movie before bed! "Couldn't be more perfecter", in Madi's words.

    While I'm giving baths and Daddy was out buying dinner the phone rings. UNC Chapel Hill flashes across the caller ID. I think to myself, "Eh, don't think I'll answer it - I'm sure it's just a computer with another appointment reminder....Wait, we don't have an appointment there next week - maybe I should see who is calling." "Hello?", with a quick, snappy I don't have time right now voice. 

    "Mrs. Tucker?", I hear a shaky voice say on the other end of the phone.

   "This is Mrs. Jordan...Tucker's mom. Can I help you?", I say.

   "Yes, Mrs. Jordan. I'm very sorry for the confusion. This is Dr. Paulson with UNC peds pulmonary. I wanted to call and check on Tucker. How is he feeling today?"

   "Well, it's funny you should ask. He actually started with a fever on Thursday - just 2 days after we took him off of the antibiotics. He has a pretty nasty cough and a runny nose. I was planning to give you a call tomorrow and see what you think we should do about it." 

    "Mrs. Jordan, we are going to need your husband and yourself to come in one day this week if at all possible. I wanted to let you know that we got Tucker's ciliary biopsy results back. He is positive for PCD and we will need to see you this week to try to get things in place."

    "PCD - he, he does have PCD? Where do we go from here? What now? What exactly is PCD?", I said while trying my hardest to fight back tears.  All of these questions that I already knew answers to came pouring out of my mouth. I have researched PCD a lot. I knew that this genetic disorder was something that these doctors had strong suspicions of. However, I had that 'denial' if you will - that thought in my head saying, "There is no way that my baby boy has a rare progressive lung disease that will possibly cause him to have a lung transplant before he is 20." Nope, no way. Not my kid. 

    I cried. I thought to myself, "Why my kid, God?" I didn't sleep much last night - I was up researching PCD and reading other people's stories. ( http://www.pcdfoundation.org/) I prayed. I cried some more. Then it just hit me. Get over yourself. This isn't about you. It's about Tucker.  And, more than that, it's about getting through it and finding a way to glorify God in the midst of it. 

    A few weeks ago our Sunday School teacher preached the whole class on "not worrying about the small things" because God will provide if we honor Him. While I'm sitting in front of my computer in the middle of the night worrying about how we are going to take care of Tucker? How will we pay for all of the medical care he needs? How will our life be 'normal'? - the Lord placed what I had just heard in Sunday School a few weeks ago on my heart. Suddenly, I felt relieved to know that if I trust in Him, if I seek His kingdom then He will be faithful to provide everything we need.

  

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:33-34

  

Crocodile Tears

   Today is exactly 15 months since we've been "looking for an answer" for Tucker.  Today, I got a phone call from a friend telling me that an old friend of ours just found out that his two year old daughter has leukemia.
   I would lie if I said it hasn't been a long 15 months. I would also be telling a story if I said it hasn't been a total emotional roller coaster. However, I have hung in there and been as strong as I know how (with lots and lots of help from my Creator). I have watched my baby boy go through some pretty nasty tests. I have seen him look at me with his eyes full of terror and questions. I have heard his blood curling screams when he is being stuck for the 15th time in one day. I have heard some pretty scary words like cancer and lung diseases. I have learned to take care of and properly work PICC lines, nebulizers and pulse ox machines. I know that my God is bigger and He is going to get me through it and I have tried my hardest to rest on that as much as I know how to. However, I'm still human, and sometimes when someone uses my baby boy's name and the word cancer in the same sentence my mind wanders and it gets the best of me.
   So, back to the phone call. This friend of mine calls to tell me about Addison (the little girl with cancer - whom I've never met).  Her daddy is someone that I went to high school with - I've seen him around a few times since we graduated, but know nothing about him or his family and have no contact with him at all. Somehow though, the news of his daughter being sick caused all of these emotions that I've had bottled up for 15 months come rushing out of me.  And, it finally happened. I cried. A lot. Big crocodile tears. Right there on the phone with her. I have "held it together" so long. I have tried to be strong in front of doctors and nurses. Friends and family. My kids. My parents. And, the real joke...God....like He doesn't know how much I hurt inside...how much I worry until I make myself physically sick.  I just lost it. 
    I think one thing that has bothered me the most lately is how I feel like the other children feel like just that. Other children. They are being tossed around and left out and "pushed to the side" while we have to deal with our "sick baby". Do they feel like Tucker gets all of the attention? Do I show them that I love them just the same as I love him? Do they have feelings of envy or hate towards Tucker because Mommy and Daddy are always busy with him? Are they jealous of him? These are all things that came rushing out of my mouth that I didn't even realize I was fighting inside.
     In my book, my "big kids" win the "unsung hero award" for the past 15 months and my "baby boy" wins the "super trooper award". However, I'm not sure that I have shown them exactly how "my book" reads. All afternoon I have prayed and asked God to show me how to reach each one of my children to show them and give them exactly what it is that they need. For Madi it may be "special time alone". Dylan might love a thank you note or an "I'm super proud of you for being the best big brother ever" note. Dustin may need an extra bed time story with a few extra kisses between pages. Either way, whatever it may be, I need to "read my book to my babies". I want them to know how thankful I am for each and every one of them.
   Just a few fun pictures from our most recent stay at UNC....a place that we can not say enough good things about. A place that we have been truly amazed with. A place that we will be forever thankful for....

Playing upstairs in the "playroom"

Time for a breathing treatment. He insisted on holding himself. Such a big boy!

Playing in his "crib"

Talking to his big brothers and sister! He missed them so much. Every time he heard the phone ring he would say, "Dustin? Sissy? Dylan?"

Coloring!

Relaxing

A short motorcycle ride "around the block"

    Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Phillipians 4:6-7
   

We Don't Plan To Make This A Tradition!

   It's been so long since I've blogged that I don't even know what to blog about or where to start!

   Think I'll start here.

   This year Tucker and I broke tradition. We didn't eat Thanksgiving at Gigi's. We didn't eat for a second time at Nanny and Papa's and we didn't eat for a third time at Papa Cash's. Instead, we spent the day in room 6C10. We don't plan to make this a tradition!

    The past ten days have been trying. They have been long and tough. Stressful. However, with God's mercy and grace we've made it and they are in our past. Woo-hoo! As most of you know Tucker was admitted into UNC Children's Hospital on Thursday November, 17th. He was a very sick little boy. Severe ear infection, dehydration, lethargic, low oxygen level, working hard to breath and lots and lots of wheezing. His normal symptoms...times ten. He was pitiful. Scary pitiful. I have to say at this point I have a whole new respect for "just an ear infection". While, the ear infection wasn't our only problem it was definitely a huge part of it.

   It all started a couple of weeks before. Tucker and Dylan both had ear infections. No biggie. In fact, nothing unusual at all. Almost seems like I can barely remember a time in the past seven years that someone in the house hasn't had an ear infection.   All three boys have ear tubes, so when they get an ear infection - it drains. I don't even have to go to the doctor. We have antibiotic ear drops on hand - we use them and the ear infection goes away. At least it's supposed to. For some reason, Dylan's drainage had stopped but, his ear was still sore so I decided to make him an appointment with the ENT. Well, Tucker's ear was still draining...a lot...despite the drops and I could tell that his ear was starting to be sensitive to the touch - so I took him with us to the ENT. Our ENT cultured Dylan's ears - cleaned them out and started him on oral antibiotics. Same for Tuck.  All was great...woo-hoo, just a couple of days and we will have 4 healthy ears again! 

    I have an amazing grandma. This means that my kids have an amazing great grandma. She often goes with me to doctor's appointments and what not. Just to help me out...and because I love her company!  After we left the ENT we took Dylan back to school and we came back to my house for peanut butter sandwiches. High class lunch! wink! We both started to notice Tucker not acting the same. We could tell he was working to breath a little more and he was just acting punky. He didn't want lunch - he didn't want to play - he just wanted to lay on the couch. Not normal for my little man. I just kept an eye on him and decided to hold off and see how he did. By about 4:00 I decided he needed to go to the pediatrician. We get there and his oxygen was low, he was wheezing, extremely lethargic...he was very sick, and it all happened in about 3 hours. We did 4 breathing treatments and antibiotic shots at the pediatricians office. She sent us home and told me to watch him close. If all went well to bring him back at 4 the next afternoon for his second round of shots. About 10 AM the next morning I decided he couldn't wait til 4:00 to be seen again. I took him back to the pediatrician around 10:00 and as soon as she walked in the door she saw him and said he needs to go to his pulmonary doctor. We packed up and headed to UNC. As soon as we got there the nurses took us straight in a room and got busy trying to get him to "wake up" some. We tried popsicles, lollipops, ice cubes...everything. He didn't want anything to do with any of it - he just laid there in his stroller looking pitiful. The doc came in and said he was admitting us and wanted an IV started as quick as possible. It took 5 tries to get his IV in. Poor guy. He was so pitiful that he barely even fought us. Not a great sign I heard one of the nurses mumble under her mask. It took almost 2 whole bags of IV fluids before they called him "normally hydrated" again. They got us settled in our room - did blood work and cultures of his really nasty looking ear. I have never seen an ear like this before. It was red, swollen, draining and you couldn't so much as blow on it without him screaming bloody murder. It was awful. He was so pitiful and all I could do was hold him. Nothing made it better. Upon being admitted I never dreamed we would be there for 9 days. We went through 6 IV's, numerous blood draws, ear exams, respiratory evaluations, broncoscopy, endoscopy, ciliary biopsy (the one I wrote about in a previous post - that I was dreading having to re-do), more blood work, a new set of ear tubes and a PICC Line placed in his right arm. This PICC line was placed so that he could come home on IV antibiotics and not have to stay in the hospital the whole time just for IV antibiotics. The ENT doc decided not to do a cat scan because he hated for him to be under that much radiation if it wasn't necessary. He said that the cat scan would tell us if the mastoid bone was infected - he said there was no need to do this because he already knew it was. That is what the antibiotics are treating - the infected bone.  It was heart breaking for mama - I hated seeing him so sick and so scared. Every time he saw a nurse about to walk in the room he would frantically reach for me to hold him and save him from whatever it was they were about to do to him. As the days went on he started feeling better and better. He started being our Tucker again. All of the nurses and doctor's fell in love with him. They would stop by just to say hello. They would tell him that he by far won the cutest patient of the year award. They nick named him "smiley" and "surfer boy".  They would bring him candy and juice, coloring books and stickers! They were so amazing to him...to us. It warmed my heart to see them love on him so much.

    We know that he had an usually large amount of a bacteria called pseudomonas. This is a common bacteria for ear infections in healthy children. However, it's not common to have large amounts of it that won't go away. It's also not common to also have it in your mouth, throat, lungs and possibly other places. Tucker does. We are still waiting on other biopsies to show if it is in his intestines, stomach or anywhere else. With all of that being said....while it's not common for a healthy child to have this type of bacteria all over like Tucker does, it is pretty common in children with cystic fibrosis and primary ciliary dyskinesia. Another symptom of PCD to add to our list. Eeek.

    While it was a long hard week - God brought us through it. There was lots of planning on where the kids could stay while Scotty worked or came to the hospital, lots of asking family and friends for favors, lots of trusting that the Lord would provide. And, He did. We came home yesterday afternoon and we were so glad to be pulling in our driveway. It was almost surreal. Almost like a dream. We may not have got to have Thanksgiving dinner with our family, but we were still so thankful for so many things that the Lord has blessed us with. 

I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. -Psalm 34:4

The Long Awaited Update....Tucker Scott

  It's been so long since I've posted an update on Tucker that I'm not even sure where I left off...and to be quite honest with you I don't have much "news". We still have no "answer", but, I'll give you what I've got! wink!

   Back on September 1st Tucker had a ciliary biopsy done. This was by far the most traumatic procedure we've been through. It was awful. The point in the biopsy is to collect cilia so that they can look at them through microscopes to see if they are working properly. If they aren't...then we have an answer. PCD. Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia. Not the answer we are hoping for, but....it's an answer. However, this answer would still leave us hanging. There is not much that can be done for this genetic disorder...other than treat the symptoms. Lots of pneumonia, ear infections, sinus infections, chronic cough and wheezing, etc. I will spare you the details of the biopsy....just know that it was not fun and not something I would put him through again. They didn't give him anything to calm him or put him to sleep....just made Scotty hold him down. Poor Tucker. Poor Daddy. Not only was the biopsy awful....it takes 8-12 weeks to get the results from the biopsy. Talk about God trying to teach somebody patience! 

    While we are patiently waiting on the results of his biopsy we are basically just maintaining. We did see the GI doctor and we saw an immunologist/allergist. The GI doctor told us that he is on all of the meds he can be on for reflux and there really isn't much more he can do for him. He checked for malabsorbtion,  celiac disease and a few other odd things I have never heard of. Needless to say they all came back fine! The allergist also did some blood work that has all come back fine so far. She ordered blood work to check and see if his white blood cells are producing the proper amount of bleach. Betcha didn't know that! Learn something new everyday....I know I sure have! So, basically your white blood cells have 2 jobs. 1. They eat any bacteria "floating" by. 2. They produce bleach to kill the bacteria. Sometimes people have issues with their white blood cells not creating enough bleach...or any bleach at all.  It just so happens to be our luck that the phlebotomist forgot to run the bleach test when she did the rest of the blood work. So, we have to go back to have this test done. She also did skin testing to check for allergies. He had this done back in January, but, she said that in young children it can often change. Wow. Did it change. He had 14 positive allergies. Dust mites, cockroaches (eww!), ragweed, mold, grass (borderline), dogs, cats, peanuts (borderline), pecans, milk, eggs, lamb (borderline), apples and strawberries.  As a mother of 4 I have been very blessed to not have to deal with any allergies (Dylan has an allergy to amoxicillin) but, no food or environmental allergies. Our allergist has told us that since Tucker isn't having any "reactions" to these things not to change anything. They could be false positives. Our pediatrician and lots of friends who have kids with allergies all say they have never heard of continuing to eat foods that you have a positive allergy to. We are a little confused as to what to do to say the least. 

    We have recently found out that when we did Tucker's ciliary biopsy they did not collect enough cilia to get an accurate reading. Guess what this means? Yes. He will have to do a repeat biopsy. And, we will have to wait another 8-12 weeks to get the results. As I said earlier...this biopsy was awful and not something I would put him through again. Now, here I am eating my words and facing this head on. Several other doctors would like to do a few more tests (that require him being put to sleep...again) that we have been hesitant to do. Scotty and I have finally told them (after lots of thought and prayer...not in that order) that they have one last shot. They can put him to sleep one last time....and get what they need "while the gettin' is good". We are currently waiting on a date for this last procedure. This procedure will include a repeat broncoscopy, an endoscopy, an infant lung function test, more blood work, the ciliary biopsy and possibly a test that is very similar to the PH Probe that he had done before. They told us to be prepared to stay at least one night possibly two. The last time he had the PH Probe and the broncoscopy he got very sick and we had to stay longer than we thought we would....I think they just want us to be prepared for what could happen.

   So, really...that's all I have for now...it seems like lots of information....but, in all reality it's pretty much...well, none. Please pray that Scotty and I continue to seek the Lord's will through this and that we can continue to have patience and do what is in Tucker's best interest. We really appreciate everyone's support .... in the past 14 months we have been to doctor's appointments, tests, procedures, research labs and more doctor's appointments...it's been long. It's been tiring. It's been frustrating. It's been possible because of all of the support from our friends and our family. So, really...thank you.

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. -Psalm 86:15

Thank You, Lord!

  Grace and mercy. That is what I'm thankful for today. Last week was rough and I have no one to blame except myself.Last week I raised my voice more times than I care to count. Last week I forgot to give 3 people in my family a compliment on 2 separate occasions. Last week I don't think that there is one time that I can give myself credit for responding to a sticky situation with a smile and I definitely didn't keep the "front area" of the house clean and presentable. See what I mean. Last week was just plain yuck. The best part is that the Lord is full of mercy and grace! So, now He has given me a brand new week to try again! There's some of that mercy and grace I was referring to! Man, He is so good to me! 

   At first I was going to type out this long list of reasons why last week was so rough. Then I decided....who really cares? Last week is over! Here is a brand new week to focus on. A brand new week to get it right! 

    Last night as I was laying in the bed drifting off to sleep I prayed, "Lord, please help me to start a new week the right way. Help me wake up on time and get my day started right...focusing on You in all that I do." My alarm went off at 5:10 this morning and I was in the shower before 5:20! Lately, that has been very tough for me. This morning, no problem. Yep, mercy and grace yet again - thank you, Lord! I was out of the shower and dressed, had a load of laundry started and the dishwasher unloaded by 6:00. Now, I know this seems crazy, but, because I had all of that done by 6:00 - it meant that I had time to pack the kids lunches, get their bookbags ready for school and start their breakfast. (Typically, Scotty does all of this) However, since I was done and not rushing around I was able to do it so that I could let him sleep in this morning! While I was packing lunches Madi comes into the kitchen to say good morning and I was so eager to give her a compliment that I told her she looks so beautiful in the mornings when she is just waking up! (Her response was not one that I can go without telling you!!!! She looked at me (like I was crazy) and said, "Mom, my hair isn't even brushed and I have my jammies on....what's wrong with you?" That girl is a trip!) Okay, back to my story! I get everyone at the table for breakfast and now I get to go in and wake up Scotty!! He was so thankful for me letting him sleep an extra hour! (and I was so grateful that I was able to let him sleep an extra hour!) The morning went so smoothly and the boys and I got lots of laundry and housework done today!

   Today is the day before Dustin turns 3. Today is also the day before Dustin looses the services that he has been getting through the infant/toddler program. (Speech, OT and developmental therapies) Today is also the day that the Lord provided a huge blessing! (there's that mercy and grace again! wink!) I went to an IEP (Individualized Education Plan)  meeting for Dustin today that would determine if the public school system would pick him up and continue our speech therapy through them or if we were going to have to go private. Private services are very expensive and our particular insurance plan doesn't cover them. They would cost us around $225.00 per week. Speech therapy is not something that Dustin can go without right now because of the diagnosis that he has been given. He needs speech at least 3 days a week and will probably continue to need it for at least the next 3-5 years. Today the school system not only offered us speech each week, but they also offered us continued OT (occupational therapy) each week AND....drum roll please.....a FULL time preschool position at a close by elementary school until he starts kindergarten! Paid for. In full. Must I repeat....THANK YOU, LORD!!!!!

    I'm so thankful for a new week to start fresh and put last week in the past!

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

Monday Is Finally Here!

    Monday, October 10th....Oh, how I have looked forward to you for several days now! Weird, huh? For those of you who know me well...actually, know me at all - know that I'm a routine and schedule kinda gal. I don't like chaos. I don't like not knowing whats next. I have to be able to plan accordingly for any and everything we do. Well, the big stuff. Every day life stuff. I'm not saying that I have to have a play date to the park on the schedule for a month or we can't do it - or we can't scratch cooking dinner at home and going out on occasion - I am saying that I can't wait 40 weeks to see if it's a boy or girl (no, I'm not expecting - just an example of the things I have to be able to prepare for), I can't feed my kids breakfast, lunch and dinner at a card table in the living room for 8 days while the kitchen floor is covered with cabinet doors, I can't spend days on end with no plans. So, the past few weeks have been crazy. No regular schedule. No specific plans or routine. Just crazy. Don't get me wrong - we had a good time, but, enough is enough and it's time to get back to "our normal". I call it "our normal" because it's probably not really normal at all to anyone else...but, it works for us!

    Through all of the chaos I have been working diligently to "Make My House A Home". For those of you that have been reading you know that I have 1. Worked very hard on not raising my voice 2. Made sure I have given each member of my family at least one compliment each day 3. Faced every sticky situation with a smile (Whoa, can we say t-o-u-g-h? I'm still working very hard on this one) So, today I am beginning a new act. While I'm still working very diligently on the first 3 I'm also going to be working to keep our livingroom, entrance and kitchen presentable for company at all times. I am not saying it is going to be spotless, just not a total mess. The email says "Our children and husbands get embarrassed when they live in a house that they can't bring their friends to." Honestly, I get embarrassed, too. I love when people stop by to see us - we love having company, but, I hate it when a friend calls and says they are going to stop by  and it leaves me scurrying around sticking stuff under cabinets and in our bedroom - that seems to be where everything that doesn't have a home ends up when we are having company! Wouldn't it be so much easier if it was already done? Then I have time to make tea and cookies instead of making it look like we aren't the messiest family on the block! So, now that the kids are back in school and it's just me and the little boys here I felt like this would be a great pick for this week! Hopefully, this will help me get back on track!

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive. -Acts 20:35

A Lily Pad In The Pond

   A few years back Scotty decided to paint our oak cabinets white. So, him and a few friends took a weekend and tackled the project. They looked great....at first. In the past year or so the paint has started chipping, the parts that still have paint on them have turned to a lovely brownish whitish color...you can see hand prints, food and juice spills...they just aren't pretty anymore. It happens when there are 3 meals cooked daily and 8 little hands that can't seem to walk past them without touching them! So, the time has come for the long tedious project to be re-done. We've been talking about doing this for a while now, but, couldn't really decide on a color. Okay, maybe decide isn't the right word...we couldn't really agree on a color! He wanted to paint the cabinets green! Are you kidding me? Green!?!?!?  Absolutely not. No way. We. Are. Not. Painting. Them. Green!!

     Tucker had an appointment at UNC on Friday (I will do a post about him soon - we have another couple of appointments next week and then I'll update!) so Scotty and I took him to that and my mom offered to keep the other 3 kids over night for us! So, it began. When we got home we put Tucker to bed and got started.  We had no idea just what we were getting ourselves into. This time, Scotty decided he wanted to tackle it alone - he wanted it to be done just right and just his way so he wanted to do it alone! I have helped some, but mostly I have "worked" on keeping the kids out of the kitchen - and by the way, that is quite a tough job! So far he has put 42 hours of sanding and painting into our cabinets. They are looking great but, he is so ready to be done and I am so ready to have my kitchen back...

Still White....well, kinda white!

Cabinet Doors Coming Off....

Sanding Away. This took the longest...hours and hours and hours!

Starting on the last cabinet door....at least the first coat!

Almost finished with the first coat!!!

A floor full of cabinets that need to dry!

    As you can imagine keeping my four frogs (also known as children) off of "Lily pads in the pond".... aka...wet green cabinets on the kitchen floor is not the easiest job! We have spent lots of time at my grandma's house! While there, I have been able to work on the kid's fall outfits for our family pictures coming up which has been fun and the kids have got lots of time to do "whatever they want" because that seems to pretty much be the rule at Gigi's! Wink!

Dylan and Tucker coloring pretty pictures for Gigi's fridge!

Madi, Dustin and Gigi working on coloring a picture of Mickey Mouse!

The beginning stages of Tuck's fall outfit for our family pictures!

Dustin's shirt!

    This weekend some of our good friends from Kentucky are coming to stay for a night and can't wait for them to be here....hopefully my kitchen will no longer be a pond with lily pads, but, a kitchen with beautiful new GREEN cabinets! And, yes, for the record - I finally agreed on green and I just l-o-v-e them!

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. - Ephesians 5:24

Turn That Frown Upside Down!

   Straight to the point today. Ready for act #3? Put a smile on your face. Seems simple enough, right?

  "Put a smile on your face even if something is not good. Let a smile be your first defense for those bad, hurtful thoughts you are having. After a while that smile will turn your sad feelings into nice ones. If you don't believe me, prove me wrong!"  

    This sounds so simple, however, I have a feeling that it's not going to be quite as easy as it sounds. I also have a feeling that it will work wonders and be so worth the extra effort that it is going to take! So far I am not raising my voice and I'm giving lots of compliments - okay, okay....I'm working very hard to make sure I don't raise my voice. I have had a certain 6 and 7 year old have to hold me accountable and remind me a few times that I promised I wouldn't raise my voice anymore! Ooops! Over all though, I haven't been yelling and I've been complimenting like crazy and it has been amazing! My "new" behaviors have helped my children see a "good model" so much more clearly. Just yesterday when we were leaving for church Madi told Dylan that he looked handsome!!! Now, for those of you that know my Madi - know that this was a jaw dropper for me! So much so that I turned around looked at her and said, "What did you just say?" Just wait! It gets better - guess what happened after that!?!?! Dylan told Madi that she could play with his DS on the way to church, because he thought it would be nice to share it with her! What? Are you kidding me? Now, don't get me wrong - there have still been lots of picking at each other and some not so nice things said....but, it's a start!

   So, here's to smiling all the time! I'm very excited to see what a simple smile will do for our week!

A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. - Proverbs 15:13

You Sure Look Beautiful Today!

    On Sunday, I decided that I'm turning my house into a home. A home that my husband and children can't wait to return to after a long day at work or school.  There are several different "acts" that I plan to carry out to help me accomplish this.  I originally planned to work through these acts very slowly - like maybe one a week. However, I never realized that just a little effort could make such a gigantic difference in our "home". Who would think that by me making a decision to not raise my voice or use words that are hurtful could change things in just 2 days? Dylan asked me before bed, "Mama - wasn't today such a good day?"  That makes me want more - it makes me feel so good to know that my effort makes my children feel so good. So, today I have decided to pray and think about my next "act". I want to pray that I do each act with the attitude that I should - out of love and not out of routine. I want my husband and kids to KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that each act is out of love...not out of routine. 

  So, act # 2....Compliment your family. Not as a whole, but each one individually. The email says to "Focus on the positive things that they are doing, don't reinforce the negative ones. Put little thank you notes in lunch boxes or where they can find them. Tell them just how proud you are of them." This sounds so easy. It almost seems like "what's the big deal"? However, life gets in the way and I seem to get too busy washing dishes and folding clothes to stop and tell Scotty that I appreciate him when he gets home from work. Or maybe I get too busy brushing hair and washing faces in the morning to remember to tell Madi she looks beautiful before she leaves for school. How about dropping Dylan a thank you note for being such an awesome big brother! Maybe I could stop what I'm doing for 30 seconds to tell Dustin thank you for helping me switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer. I could tell Tucker that his smile brightens my gloomy days! Am I really so pressed for time that I don't have time to stop and do these things? If so, maybe I need to step back and reassess. Maybe, just maybe, I have my priorities all wrong.

   For the next couple of days I'm going to be sure to compliment each of my family members for great big things and for little tiny things. I'm going to make sure that they know that their presence makes me bubble over with joy, and I absolutely can't wait to see just what kind of impact this will make! 

Seek first God’s will in our family and the other things will come as He desires.  - Matthew 6:33

Making My House A Home....

    A close friend of mine sent me an email this morning that I can't seem to get off of my mind. It's got me thinking. A lot. Just when I thought I was getting things together and I started getting comfortable in our routine and checking items off of my list daily...He shows me that there is always more to learn and more that can be done.  He knows how to get to us at just the right time, doesn't He?

    This email was about loving your family. Now, obviously...I love my husband and I love my kids. At least most of the time. wink! This email really got me thinking though.  Am I just going through the motions? Does my husband realize how much I love him? Do my kids ever question my love for them?  This is what our typical day looks like.  Wake up, dress kids, feed kids, pack lunches for kids, send the kids off to school, Daddy goes to work, I do the "homemaker" stuff, kids come home, Daddy comes home, dinner, baths, prayers, put kids to bed, clean up the crazy amount of mess that the kids made in less than 3 hours, EXHAUSTED, bed! Am I putting to much importance on the "material" things that need to be done and not the things that really matter? 

   The email began "Love Makes A House A Home" - in capital letters across the top. At first, I thought - well, yea. Doesn't everyone know that already? Or do they (I)? It is two totally different things to know something and to actually put that something into practice. You know the saying "actions speak louder than words"? How true is that? I mean someone can tell me they love me all day long, but, if they don't act like they do then it is hard for me to believe it. This email had 11 "ideas" of ways to show your family that you love them - some of them I've thought of and just haven't actually done, some I have done, but didn't follow through or haven't done enough of and some of them have never even crossed my mind. I'm not going to share all 11 at one time....instead, I'm going to make my way through them slowly. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day. I plan to go through them one at a time...and I also plan to live them out as slowly as I am going through them here on my blog. I want to make sure that I am doing each "act" out of pure love and to the best of my ability. I want to give it my all. Isn't that the least I could do for 5 people that I love more than life itself? I am commanded by my Creator to love like He loves me - and I think the best way for me to "start" is to show my family, the one's I cherish most, how much I love them with my actions and not my words. 

    Act #1: I plan to show my family I love them by....Not raising my voice or having a sharp tongue. When I let those loud ugly words fly out of my mouth, I can't bring them back and stuff them down my throat again.  So, I am going to make sure to choose my tone and words carefully.  In the email it said, "You will find as the clutter leaves your home, the stressed out attitudes will be gone, too. Practice talking in a quiet voice, it is so hard to yell or say nasty things, when we are whispering."  Hmmmm....good one, huh? I've never thought about it - we are a loud family...but, why can't we change that? 

    So, today I leave you with this question. Is your house a home? I'm going to be working diligently to make sure that my family knows that this house on Rice Drive is more than just a house...it's our home! <3 

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. - 1 Timothy 5:8

Not So Wordless Wednesday

    A lot of my friends come up with such fun things to do on different days....like, Wordless Wednesday and Thankful Thursday. So, I thought I would give it a shot...except for those of you who know me - know that it is nearly impossible for me to be completely wordless! I thought it would be fun though to share some fun pictures from the last couple of weeks! Enjoy!

We enjoyed watching caterpillars turn into butterflies over the last few weeks - this was after the caterpillars had turned into chrysalides and Daddy transferred them into the butterfly house! Dustin thought this was super fun!!!

Dylan, Madi and Dustin looking at the butterflies one last time before we let them go!

Dustin - just being cute!

I was cleaning out closets and found last years Halloween costume and Dustin wore it around the house almost all day long - he threw a fit when I wouldn't let him wear it to his doctor's appointment!

Dylan tested for his yellow belt this week - he was so super excited that he passed!

Dustin didn't want Mimi to leave so he sat on her car! Silly boy!

Tucker thought it would be fun to play with toilet paper for a while!

Taking a cat nap in the car!

Daddy got Tucker all bathed and in his jammies and while he was dressing Dustin....Tucker decided he wasn't quite done in the tub!

I had just finished mopping and Tucker decided to climb in the sink with the mop water! Yuck!

 

Dylan is such a great big brother - I walked in the playroom and caught him teaching Tucker how to count the blocks!

Sweet Madi B.

Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. - Matthew 7:7-8

There Are Memories Left To Be Made!

   This weekend I decided that it's great having a half way clean house and everything being somewhat organized. However, I also decided that it's not near as much fun as spending priceless moments with the kids that are slowly slipping away day by day as they get older. It's so hard to believe that Dustin and Tucker are already 1 and 2 and it's even harder to believe that Dylan and Madi are already 6 and 7. So, I'm not exactly sure what it was that made me start thinking about remembering things as a kid - but, I remember ball games and trips to the lake. I remember homemade Christmas cookies and time in the swimming pool. I don't remember my mom pushing me away or telling me to go play while she cooked dinner because she was in a hurry and just didn't have time for me to help her cook. So, then that brought me to this question. Dylan and Madi are to the age that they will remember lots about this time for a long time. Do I want them to remember ball games, outside time, cooking with Mommy and fun quality moments or do I want them to remember that even though Mommy didn't have much time for me to help her - our house was always clean and organized? Ok....I didn't really mean that as a question because of course the answer is pretty obvious. So, today I woke up and decided that who cares if it takes an hour to make dinner instead of 40 minutes? Who cares if every little thing isn't in its perfect spot? What does it matter if the box that says "wipe down the counter tops" doesn't get checked off if I get to play outside with the kids for a few minutes? 

    Today I am making dinner for some friends of ours from our Sunday School class and Madi and Dustin were so excited to get to help me prepare their meal! 

First, we had to cook the chicken....

 

 

 

Then, we had to mix the rest of the ingredients together...

 

 

 

 

 

Next, we made cookie dough and rolled it in the cinnamon sugar....

Lastly, we patiently waited for the cookies to finish baking....

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. - Proverbs 22:6

God Provides

**Proceed with caution**

**I'm being completely open, honest and transparent**

    This week I found out that I am not going to be keeping the little girl I have been keeping for the past year, Tucker was diagnosed with pneumonia, I had to miss the very first day of CBS (Community Bible Study) and Madi was having some issues at school that caused me to have to be a little more aggressive with her teachers than I normally care to be. In the midst of my bad attitude this week and my pity party and my week of "Really, God? I can't handle anything else" I had a pretty awesome birthday thanks to some really special people in my life!

     After I found out that I am not going to be keeping Bella anymore I was shocked. Then I moved on to being pretty bummed and a little hurt. Then I was mad for a day or two.  I kept Bella for a year and I love her. I didn't want her to leave. Not to mention this was a little extra income so Scotty didn't have to work an extra night a week or pick up an extra job on the weekend to make ends meet.  While I know that God provides sometimes it's "easier said than done" - I mean it's easier to rely on me and not Him...until I fail and yet He is there - patiently waiting for me to realize that without Him I can't do it.  I went into how am I going to replace this income mode - how am I going to make this work? Really, Meghan? I can't make this work, but, He can! So, I was struggling with doing the right thing and having the right attitude all week. The Lord is really good at putting people and things in the right place at the right time. He gave me a dear friend - and more importantly, a Godly woman- to listen to all of my griping and complaining - and to remind me of the way I should handle the situation...not the way I wanted to handle the situation. Then, I read this...."When wealth is gone, little is lost; when health is gone, something is lost; but when character is gone, all is lost." So, I got over myself and enjoyed my last few days with Bella. 

    Tucker started running a low grade fever on Sunday - nothing unusual for him, though. It wasn't too high and he didn't seem overly grumpy. Monday his fever was a little higher and he was pretty crabby and the week just seemed to get worse. Each day his fever crept up a little more and he was more and more crabby by the hour. Finally on Thursday I decided to give in and take him to the pediatrician - his oxygen was down and he was so snotty and his cough was awful. We decided not to do another set of x-rays because too many are just not good for him. We got a "pneumonia" diagnosis without the confirmation of x-rays and put him back on steroids and antibiotics. I'm hoping that this isn't a sign of what we have to look forward to this winter. We are taking precautions and have got the hand sanitizer by the door for each person that walks in and today I plan to go buy a large tote to put shoes in outside. Hopefully, this will help some! 

    I have been waiting for quite sometime to get into CBS at our church - there is a wait for childcare - and this year I finally got in! CBS is every Thursday morning for 2 hours! The kids go to their class and the women go in a large group to do a bible study and then we break off into smaller groups. I'm really looking forward to studying the book of Galatians and getting to know some new people! I was so excited about getting started this week until we wake up Thursday morning and Tuck has a fever of 103. So, instead of CBS we went to the pediatrician and the pharmacy. It's okay though - I can't wait to start fresh next week!

    Today is the last day of the first nine weeks for Dylan and Madi. Dylan has done awesome this nine weeks - he finished with all "A's" and one "B"!! Madi has definitely struggled some this nine weeks, but mostly with attitude and being willing to do her work. Madi struggles with having to do things that she doesn't feel like doing at the moment - we're working on it though! wink! Even though she struggled some she finished with all "M's" (which means mastered) except for one! Woo-hoo! 

     So, mixed up in the middle of all of this craziness was my birthday! Yes, I'm getting old! Finally! Now, I know that sounds crazy, but, I have a few friends that can relate (Stacey, Andrea and Pam - wink!) Sometimes, I just wish I could say I'm 30 so that when people ask and I say I'm 26 - now 27! - I don't get this response... "Oh, my! You're only 27 and you already have 4 kids!" Yes! Yes! That's right- I'm only 27 and I have 4 kids! Is this a problem for you?!?!?!? Ahhhhhh!!!!! Anyways - back to the whole point of me telling you about my birthday! It was awesome! So, I have to say - you find out who you're friends are when it's your birthday and you don't have facebook! I, too, am forgetful and don't always remember everyone's birthday - but, it makes you feel really special when your friends do remember your birthday! I wasn't expecting much on my birthday, but, man was I surprised! It just so happened that our Sunday School class has a monthly playdate and this month our play date was at my house on my birthday! Par-tay! Andrea, Jennifer and Stacey came over for our play date and they brought me a big cookie cake, flowers, a gift and a balloon! It made my day! After they visited with me for a few hours and left another friend came over with ice cream and then my brother stopped by with flowers and a gift card to Lilly Mae's! To top it all off Scotty called to say he was bringing home Wendy's for dinner! Yay! I don't have to cook - then he brought the kids Wendy's and I got Olive Garden!!! Yummy!  Also, on Tuesday night we went to dinner at Outback with my mom, both grandmas, Mike and Lindsey (our close friends) and their 2 kids to celebrate!!! Wow! What a birthday!?!?!? Thanks friends for making me feel so special!! It's just what I needed! 

Flowers from my brother!

Flowers from the girls!

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven - Ecclesiastes 3:1