How Can You Not Believe?

   Tomorrow is January 11, 2012. Big deal right? Tomorrow is also exactly one month past December 11, 2011. A bittersweet day. The day we finally got a diagnosis.  It's hard to believe it's already been a month.
   Things haven't changed very much for us...except, now we know why. Now we have answers. We have talked with the doctors about where to go from here. We have made all medical personnel involved aware of his diagnosis. We are slowly learning to be much more aware of germs and how to take precautions to hopefully avoid so many illnesses. We've learned how to fit breathing treatments, chest physical therapy and an inhaler into our schedule....twice a day. We are soon to be the proud owner of our very own pulse oximeter. (this is the device that will conveniently be able to tell us his oxygen saturation here at home without us having to go to the doctor so regularly)  We have learned patience. Okay, okay...maybe we haven't mastered that one quite as well, but....we're working on it!
    Above all of these things I think the thing I have learned the most out of this is to seek the Lord in everything we do. Everything. I have had a few surprising remarks from people asking me how I could possibly believe in God? How could I believe in a good God when my baby has a rare lung disease that has no cure. How could I trust that He is going to bring me through this? Why would He ever do this to someone like me anyway? The only response I have is...How could I not believe in God after all of the grace and mercy He has shown us through these past months? There are so many examples I could share, but to keep this post somewhat short I will just choose a couple of examples that stick out in my mind. Back in September Tucker had his first ciliary biopsy done. The nasty one. The one that I promised myself I would never let them repeat. When they called in October to tell us that they didn't get enough cilia and would have to repeat the biopsy I was faced with a decision that I had already made a definite decision on. I asked them if we could sedate him to repeat the biopsy and their response was a firm and definite, "No!" All I knew to do was pray. Pray that the Lord would help Scotty and I make the right decision for Tucker. It wasn't even a month later when Tucker was admitted for several days and had to be put back under for several procedures and to have his PICC line placed - they were then able to not only do the biopsy while he was sedated, but now they could do it from his lungs which is a better sample anyways! An answered prayer. My next prayer to God was to give us an answer before the end of the year. I know it sounds crazy, but I was desperate. I was hurting. I was miserable watching my baby go through test after test and stick after stick every time he got sick because they just didn't know what was wrong. December 11th was the day. Yep, He answered my prayers again...with 20 days to spare!
    It's easy to become very discouraged when I think about what he actually has. It's easy to feel defeated when I think about there being no cure for PCD. It's easy to feel sorry for myself because my baby has lung disease. But, in the midst of everything that we've been through...after seeing all of the prayers that my God has already answered....I still have to ask, "How can you not believe?"

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. -Psalm 62:1-2